“The meeting last week was one of the big things. I think his working relationship with the city and the council and the citizens has turned against him,” Leonesio said.

That Steve Leonesio thinks he can speak for the citizens of Stockton is laughable at best considering he reps a union comprised of mostly out-of-towners. I don’t pretend to represent the population of Stockton, but I’m a better representative than Leonesio. If you agree with any or all of the following letter, please sign below in the comments.

Dear Bob Deis,

I don’t do this very often, but I’d like to offer my deepest and sincerest apologies for the experience you’ve had during your short time living in our city. I consider myself to be a proud Stocktonian, but recently that pride has taken a significant hit.

On Wednesday I was flat out embarrassed to claim this City as my hometown. Not because of your resignation/retirement, but because of the antics that preceded it. Please know that the selfish actions of those individuals do not represent the Stockton I’ve come to know and love. Stocktonians help their fellow Stocktonians. Sure, we may argue and/or disagree at time, but we’re still a community who looks out for one another. Those that chose to harass you, even if they actually live in town, are not Stocktonians. They’re only looking out for themselves. You’ve only been here a short time, shorter than many of your detractors, but I consider you a member of our community based solely on all the stuff you went through to help our city out.

I also want to apologize for not speaking up enough against the special interest groups that are attacking funding for our essential City services. We haven’t been vocal enough and I’m sure at times it felt like it was just you and the City Council against the rest of the City (and at times, also the Council). I don’t blame you for leaving. Family always trumps everything else. What you’ve had to endure was so sickeningly juvenile that it even caused me to give up and stop maintaining this site for the better part of 2011. That silence ends now.

I’m sorry we betrayed our fighting spirit by taking these seemingly endless lumps lying down. I know it’s probably too late to get you to consider staying, but I do have one request. Go down with a fight. In the remaining months before your departure, help us fight for the financial solvency of our town. We’ll support you anyway we can to make sure people know that while we value the services your detractors provide, they’re not the end all be all of this town. We are.

They may be pumping their fists in celebration now, but come March they will have felt the fighting spirit of a town they apparently know nothing about. Let’s fight for Stockton. Hopefully by now you’ve seen that we’re worth it.

Sincerely,

The Undersigned

SUSD really is that dumb

When we last checked in on the SUSD Board of Trustees, members of the community were discussing recalling Jose Morales. Again. Which would be infinitely fucking retarded because the cost to do so would be over 8 times what they’re pissed at him for spending and that’s the cheapest scenario. It could cost as much as 25 times what he carelessly spent. Apparently math teachers aren’t behind the recall effort because they went and served him with a recall notice this week anyway. By the time this is all resolved, we’ll probably be voting to recall him on the same ballot he’ll be up for reelection.

Meanwhile, there’s a vacancy on the Board and in the biggest shocker of the night, they actually made a good decision and just appointed someone to the position. Naturally, this pissed off Sal Ramirez and Steve Smith, both of whom wanted to take the issue to a public forum that totally wouldn’t have been a complete clusterfuck. SUSD can’t decide on refreshments without devolving into petty infighting, a public forum to fill an actual position on the board probably would have resulted in a round of fisticuffs. Just appointing somebody was akin to ripping a bandage off in one quick motion and it was the right call because SUSD has bigger shit to worry about right now.

Speaking of insufferably long budget battles…

Fire’s back at it with their hair-brained schemes to try and remain the only people immune from the economic downturn. This time their idea is for the City to sell off their land at the New Hogan Reservoir, which is valued at $2.5 million and is currently being leased to cattle ranchers. This is dumb for multiple reasons.

For one, it would forfeit future revenue from the current lease agreement for a one-time payday. It would be incredibly short sighted. Then again, Fire still thinks the City has no reason to think tax revenue will be down again next year despite mountains of evidence to the contrary. Fire is so short sighted I’d be surprised if they could see past their own noses. It’s just a dumb idea floated out there during arbitration because Fire are dicks like that. Keep grasping at straws guys.

Ready…set…beg!

Finally, let’s get to the cathartic moment of the week. If it helps to imagine me on my knees bawling my eyes out with my hands clasped together, feel free to do so.

As you’ve probably heard, the Sacramento Kings are strongly considering moving to Anaheim for the 2011-2012 season. This is different than the other arena-related scares of the past decade in that they’ve actually filed for (and have been granted) an extension of the relocation filing deadline to mull over the decision a bit longer.

It’s no secret that I’m a huge Kings fan. If you’ve seen me during the winter months there’s a 85% chance I was wearing my increasingly worn out Kings hoodie (Hell, I’m wearing it as I write this). There’s a 50% chance that under said hoodie was a Kings t-shirt. I think I’ve slept a grand total of 24 hours since the news dropped last Saturday. I’m a nervous wreck. I know it sounds silly to say about a sports team, but I don’t know what I’d do without the Sacramento Kings.

Fortunately, the Kings have a passionate fanbase that also can’t fathom a Kingsless Sacramento. The team has a dedicated group of independent blogs that almost immediately jumped into action while I was busy drowning my sorrows in buckets of booze. By the time work forced me to relinquish my drunken haze on Tuesday, Here We Stay was already in full swing. Here We Stay is an effort put forth mostly by Blake Ellington’s Bleed Black and Purple with major support from Tom Ziller’s Sactown Royalty and many others with the intent of selling out the team’s next home game against the Clippers this Monday which coincidently also fell one day before the original relocation application deadline. With the team being granted an extension on the deadline that could go well into the offseason the movement has grown to encompass the remaining 12 home games.

The goal is to put as many passionate, vocal Kings fans in the (sigh) Power Balance Pavilion as possible to make sure our voices are heard. They’re coordinating chants, urging people to sport team colors as much as possible and just generally making sure that we will not go quietly. Hell, even if you don’t live in the Sacramento area you can donate money that will go towards tickets for dedicated fans who can’t otherwise afford to attend a game. It’s truly special stuff and I can’t remember the last time I was as excited about attending a game as I am for Monday’s Clippers game. The tremendous outpouring of support people are giving is amazing. People are giving away money in a down economy so complete strangers can go cheer for their team like wild animals for them. The camaraderie alone gives me goosebumps.

I’d like to amend my earlier statement, I know what I’d do without the Kings. I’d stop watching basketball and probably never step foot in Sacramento again. The former out of depression and the latter out of spite. I don’t know what I’d do without the Kings community though. The Sactown Royalty people are amazing. I’ve often said after particularly heartbreaking moments (of which the Kings have had many) that following this team is borderline insanity, going to Sactown Royalty is group therapy. It took me 6 years to finally be able to discuss what happened in the Western Conference Finals in 2002. That’s not a joke. I refused to discuss it with anybody. It wasn’t an emotional scar it was an open, festering wound for 6 years. I came to terms with it by finally opening up about it with people I hadn’t even met at the time after reading similar sentiments.

I’m rambling and my knees are getting tired so I’ll wrap this up by getting straight to the begging. Please support this cause. Buy a ticket and go to the games and voice your support for the team and if you can’t go, donate. Tweet the Maloofs, write letters to the editor of your local newspaper, take incriminating photos of 16 NBA owners so we can blackmail them into voting down the move should the process get that far. Just be vocal. It’s been said numerous times this week that the Maloofs are emotional guys who feel hurt by the uninspired effort to build a new arena that the Sacramento area desperately needs (Arco/PBP is a hole, trust me). Kings fans are some of the most passionate people I know, right now we need to show it. Something special is going on right now, I hope you’ll be a part of it.

Two wrongs aren’t going to make a right

SUSD Trustee Jose Morales, who won his seat by one vote over Anthony Silva, spends a lot of the districts money. Well, spent, I guess. Because of his extracurricular use of his district-issued credit card, in which he outspent every other trustee combined by $1000, nobody on the board gets a credit card anymore. Which is fine since their reasoning for having them was dubious at best. School board trustee is the lowest level of elected office, but some people don’t have the patience to wait until they’re elected to a real post to do some good ol’ fashioned power abusing.

Luckily, whenever something vaguely controversial goes down in Stockton Unified, everybody reacts in a very measured tone that was appropriate for the relatively miniscule amount of money that Morales’ wasted.

Just kidding, everybody lost their shit. Some lady who clearly has too much freetime on her hands even busted out an old school Recall Morales shirt from the first time they tried to recall Morales in 2009 because they were pissed he won (which, surprise, is not enough to get someone recalled). Hell, Ralph Lee White even showed up and I’m 99% sure dude doesn’t have school aged children.

But back to that recall shirt, yes, there are people seriously considering recalling Morales for wasting $3,000 during a budget crisis. Nevermind the fact that his seat is up for reelection just next year in 2012. Nevermind the fact that a recall could cost upwards of $75,000 for a special election. It’s the principle of the matter!

So, for those of you keeping score at home, there are people who want to spend at least $25,000 to recall a guy who spent $3,000 eating his fat ass through various local eateries (at least he shopped local?). I may not be a math whiz, but even I can deduce that that’s fucking retarded. If you can’t spare $3,000, you sure as shit can’t spare five figures for a guy who will probably get voted out in 2012 anyways. I thought you people were supposed to be educated. Quit being overdramatic and stop using your brains to figure out ways to undercut your political enemies and start using them for those little brats you’re allegedly there for. Speaking of…

Colleen Boardman is full of shit

Amidst all this drama, SUSD Board of Trustees President Colleen Boardman decided to take her ball and go home citing a variety of reasons ranging from frustration with the Board and their shenanigans to her own mortgage-related issues. Oh, and she doesn’t like Superintendent Carl Toliver. Yup, more friction between the Board President and the Superintendent they just hired. Talk about meet the new boss, same as the old boss. SUSD is like the world’s biggest scratched record.

Board drama can get to anybody, Lord knows I’ve given up hope on anybody in Stockton Unified doing anything that wasn’t in the specific interest of that person. Sure, Colleen Boardman says she’s frustrated with the lack of focus on the schoolchildren, but making a dramatic exit two months after volunteering to be put in charge of a board that has a rich history of bullshit isn’t exactly refocusing on little Johnny. It’s just more shit piled on top of an insurmountable pile of shit. Boardman said “Fuck it, I’m out” after the very first controversy during her tenure as Board President and then essentially told the Superintendent “Fuck you” on the way out because he didn’t listen to her suggestion about his pay. Oh, about that…

If you didn’t want to be paying a guy upwards of $400,000 a year, maybe you don’t hire a guy already making $200,000 in pension!

Sorry, had to get that out real quick. So yeah, Boardman is full of shit. One of the members of her Board majority clique just lost all credibility and she got out while the getting was good. The fact that the Superintendent didn’t listen to her because he technically doesn’t have to probably helped push her along. Oh, and the fact that she’s about to lose her house. Can’t really rep your district when you don’t have a place in that district and somebody is already repping Stockton’s Davis district. But yeah, totally about refocusing on the kids.

Daryl Camp to lose keys for good this time

Bear Creek Principal Daryl Camp is leaving the school at the end of the year. This isn’t really newsworthy but it’s probably important to point out two things. He’s the guy who infamously lost his keys a couple times resulting in the entire school being rekeyed (which isn’t really a big deal or very expensive, but bumbling principal stories are funny).

I also have to point out that he referred to himself in the third person. Bear Creek High School and Daryl Camp don’t appear to be a good fit anymore? Jesus, you’re just a principal. Where is he taking his talents? South Beach? Dude’s a mediocre principal at best and I’m surprised his departure even merited a news story.

I thought this year was going to be tough since 2010 was filled with some of the bitchiest whining I’ve ever seen. The Fire Department whined about budget cuts, the Police Department (somewhat more justifiably) whined about budget cuts, the SUSD Board are the Jedi fucking Masters of whining. It was one long year of pissing and moaning about how put upon those various organizations were, and frankly, none of those little bitches deserve our coveted award. Luckily, as usual when I’m stumped on who to give this award to, some story slaps me in the face and says “This guy you idiot”. So with much less stalling than last year, the Real Stocktonian of 2010 is…

City Manager Bob Deis!

Deis’ ascent to Real Stocktonian is a Cinderella story of sorts, the guy has only been on the job for 6 months or so, but our fair town wasted no time showing some ass and making sure Deis knew just what he was getting in to.

After being hired in the spring, he took the helm at the beginning of the fiscal year in July, just a month after the City essentially threw a budgetary Hail Mary (which is still expensively sailing towards the endzone with a bit of uncertainty I might add). Meanwhile, Fire tried their best to convince everybody (including themselves probably) that they were the good guys by offering concession packages that guaranteed we’d be doing this all again in 2011. The Stockton Police Officers Association spent this time essentially giving the City the silent treatment after loudly campaigning against budget cuts (with Deis’ future phone number printed on the freaking billboards!) before their credibility was shot when they shot a teenager. The incoming message was clear, you’re not in Sonoma anymore.

To top it all off, dude got attacked by some neglected pit bulls while walking his dog in what I’m sure he was told was was one of the safest areas in Stockton.

That’s a lot for even a long time Stockton resident to put up with, let alone a recent transplant. Yet when Forbes contacted him for their story on Stockton reclaiming the “Most Miserable City in America” title he defended this City like a grizzled veteran. Anybody who essentially tells Forbes to fuck off is OK in my book.

Now, I know that quote happened in 2011, but it was about 2010 so I’m counting it. Plus, it’s not just that quote that got him the award, it was all the shit thrown at him leading up to that quote. I’ve lived in Stockton my whole life and my resolve was rattled by Fire’s unrelenting, disingenuous campaigning against the City. The Stockton Police Officers Association spent thousands of dollars to erect a bunch of billboards telling us that outside entities think we suck. If there was ever a year to feel miserable in Stockton, it was this year. Yet, when faced with that very idea, it took a guy who hasn’t even been here for a year to look past the bullshit and essentially say “Yeah, we have problems, but so does everyone else. The people here are good people and we’re going to fight through it. You’re not helping any so get the fuck out of our way.”

If that’s not. Real Stocktonian, I don’t know what is.

After a long layoff I checked the news to see what I had missed and what do I see? Motherfuckas are shooting babies now? What the fuck is a baby doing on the corner of California and Park at 9:30 at night? I’m 26 and even I don’t feel comfortable at California and Park after dark! What reason would somebody have to bring an infant to one of the shadier pockets on the edge of Downtown Stockton? Drugs. Naturally. (And allegedly.)

That’s not all though. Earlier this week two men were arrested for child endangerment after the 2-year old child of one of the guys ate some “marijuana resin”. There are so many questions I don’t even know where to begin to start. I know toddlers will put literally anything in their mouths, but they still have taste buds right? Marijuana resin is essentially the equivalent of the tar and shit regular cigarette filters filter out. 2-year-olds have tastebuds, don’t they? How did she not immediately spit that out? My guess is that in reality she actually ate some roaches since the jar she allegedly got the resin from contained “marijuana joints” (as opposed to Spike Lee Joints I guess).

Now, I feel for these parents, I really do. I’m sure they, like lots of people, thought they had their alleged habits under control. They probably even promised themselves they’d stop once children entered the equation. Don’t worry, every stoner at one point or another has this pipe dream. I don’t blame them for indulging in their chosen vice after becoming parents. Babies are fucking stressful and if smoking a bluntski every once in a while helps, then so be it. But there’s a line you just can’t cross.

Smoke all the fucking herb you want as a parent, but keep your baby wayyyy the fuck away from it. Especially when allegedly making a pick up on a shady street corner known for gang violence. Get a babysitter and promise to smoke them out when you get back. Hell, have one of the parents stay home while the other goes out. If you both absolutely have to go, lock the baby in the closet or something. Sure, that’s still child endangerment, but at least your baby has a smaller chance of getting shot in the fucking neck. Babies have no place in alleged drug deals. Ever.

If you do choose to leave your child unattended though, for the love of Christ treat all paraphernalia like it’s Draino. It can’t be that hard to baby-proof that shit for a 2-year-old. Stick it on a particularly tall dresser. Buy a safe. Shit, buy a padlock and just stuff all your shit in a suitcase. Babies should not be able to get their hands on jars filled with joints!

Again, I don’t fault these people for continuing their pre-child habits, just be smart about it and use some self control. Keep the kids far away from it. Smoke in your garage or something. Do whatever you can to make sure your child isn’t exposed to that part of your life for as long as possible. They deserve to have a chance to make good decisions and live a normal life, don’t fuck that up with your bad decisions.

New look SUSD board gets started, still unbelievably fucked

It’s the end of an election year which means all that shit we cared about (or pretended to care about)  a month and a half ago and promptly forgot about takes affect soon. For Stockton Unified School District, that means we get new members of the board of trustees. Hopefully removing some of the bad eggs and replacing them with relative political newbies will bring an end to the partisan political infighting that has turned the board into an ineffective joke.

Or they could go back to their cliques and vote accordingly, which is what actually happened. Even more troubling, trustee Steve Smith nominated occasional Davis resident Sal Ramirez for board president. Because when you’re facing the serious problems, it’s always good to have the strong leadership of a guy who barely cares about his community enough to even stay there a majority of the month.

Luckily, Ramirez’s candidacy was voted down. Not because he would probably be a shitty leader, but because he only has 2 friends left on the board while Colleen Boardman has 3. Sigh. Can the State just take over the district now? I have absolutely no faith that either entity (SUSD board or the State) has any real solutions, but I’d really prefer to skip the next year or so of petty infighting between board members and the teacher’s union. I hate to be so cynical but it’s hard not to be if you’ve paid attention to SUSD news over the past couple of years.

Speaking of, teacher’s union, watch what you say. What teachers do often goes underappreciated and I understand that, my mom and my grandpa were teachers, but I’m getting really tired of union battles regardless of the circumstances. Fight all you want for fair wages, but don’t expect any pity out of me. Especially after they caused some significant dents in district finances themselves by fighting Amato tooth and nail. All I hear from the teacher’s union is fucking complaints, and I’m tired of it. Early calls for concessions isn’t “negotiating in public”, it’s called “stating the obvious”.

Speaking of being unbelievably fucked…

On Tuesday the City Council hired Susan Mayer to be the new Chief Financial Officer. This is noteworthy because her previous job was serving as Assistant Finance Director for…(cue ominous music) Vallejo. Yes, of the bankruptcy Vallejos. The City’s touting her as someone with real experience with floundering civic finances, while everybody else (Including, naturally, Ol’ Reliable himself Mike Fitzgerald) ignores that and goes straight to the obvious “Oh shit are we going bankrupt?” conclusion.

I’m trying to keep this brief, so he’s my truncated take. While her experience in a similar situation with be invaluable, I highly doubt a possible move towards bankruptcy played a role in her hiring. In fact, considering how ineffective that move has been for the City of Vallejo (more on that in a sec), it’s probably closer to a matter of her jumping ship than the City hedging their solvency bets. Vallejo’s City Council had the opportunity to go after out of control public safety spending and pensions and they pussed out hardcore under the pressure of an election year. As they emerge from bankruptcy they’re still not going to be much better off than they were before with the cloud of existing pension plans still hanging over them.

Stockton’s in a slightly better position than Vallejo was because this City Council is aggressively targeting pensions (or at least they’re saying they will) in their battles with the public safety unions. Mayer’s here because it’s a better situation to come up with real solutions for problems facing cities all over the country, not because of a possible bankruptcy play. So stop going straight to the obvious conclusion everybody and just enjoy the rare time where Stockton is actually preferable to somewhere else. Well, at least until the “Freshmen Four” find out how difficult it is to get reelected when you’ve pissed off all the unions.

Obvious questions deserve obvious answers

If there’s one thing I hate about tragedies, it’s the dumb questions that follow. The dumbest of those questions is “Could this have been avoided?” It’s a dumb question because the answer is “Of fucking course.” It’s easy to say someone should have done this or that precaution should have been enacted. Using hindsight, everything appears avoidable. People always forget that the one thing that turns a potential tragedy into an actual tragedy is plain old bad luck. No amount of post-tragedy fingerpointing/lawsuits can change an instance of bad luck.

It sucks that the family is suing InShape because they’re probably going to fire those poor lifeguards who were just doing their jobs. I’m sure the suit is going to allege that they weren’t because dude spent two minutes at the bottom of the pool, but anybody who has actually been a lifeguard can piece together that happened on that unfortunate day from the information available. In my younger years I spent many summers lifeguarding. Six to be exact. The last couple of those years I was even certified to train lifeguards. So I’ll end with my take on what I think happened.

There are multiple ways people can drown. The two most common are just a flat out inability to swim and injuries. The handful times I’ve had to rescue swimmers, it was the former. Some kid drifts just a little past the point where his tippy toes can touch the bottom or some asshole pushes a kid in without thinking and next thing you know some kid’s thrashing around screaming help. Those are the easy ones. Lots of splashing, the kid usually looks pretty timid to begin with, you can spot that shit from a mile away. You pay special attention to those kids because they have a higher risk factor.

Injury drownings are a different beast. 70% of the time they’re spinal cord/neck injuries from somebody diving in shallow water. Those too can be easy to spot since somebody has to actually jump in the pool and make a splash. Usually they’re showing off so someone’s watching that guy as he faceplants into the bottom of the pool and they run and get you. 29% of the time it’s something stupid like a cramp. Even then the injured swimmer is thrashing around, screaming in pain and generally causing a ruckus that grabs your attention.

That last percentage is for the miscellaneous stuff. The silent drownings that happen out of the blue with no warning. You know, like what happened to Kaur. No splashing. No yells for help. One second things are going fine, next they’re at the bottom of the pool. When that happens, you have to pray you have luck on your side.

Then you have to take into account all the other factors surrounding Kaur’s near-drowning. Remember earlier then I mentioned paying more attention to kids with a higher risk factor? That played against Kaur’s chances. A 27 year old swimming laps in the shallow end has a significantly lower risk factor than a bunch of kids fucking around on a waterslide. To lifeguards, waterslides are the fucking devil. I swear to God children must spend most of the winter devising dangerous, physic-defying ways to go down waterslides. They’ll try and surf down the slide standing up the second you turn your head. You still glance over at the guy swimming laps every once in a while, but the majority of your attention directed towards making sure little Johnny doesn’t leave the waterslide before he hits the water and cracks his skull open.

None of this to say that the lives of those kids are more valuable than Kaur’s. He was just a 1-percenter. It was one of those rare times where the guy least likely to drown ended up almost doing so. It wasn’t neglect, it was just bad luck. I’m sorry if I seem callous about it, but undeserved criticism of lifeguards is a pet peeve of mine. So much so that I’ve written however many hundred words and still haven’t pointed out the fact that Scott Smith’s article had so many cliches in it I thought he’d made a bet to see how many he could sneak in there.

Even sadder is that this lawsuit, even if successful, will only serve as a quick cash grab for the bereaved. As a consequence, the gym would probably fire the lifeguards and put up a “Swim at your own risk” sign. Screw actual safety, you can’t sue a sign.

Meanwhile, our old pal Fitzy took a swing at making sense of all of this. The result was a laundry list of nit picky complaints from the union about uniform fabric and management styles. Eventually he too realizes that the issue the union appears to be most passionate about is the beer sales thing. Essentially putting us back at square one, the SPOA pitching a petty fit about a seemingly insignificant order. At the end though, Fitz does manage to eek out a telling nugget of information. That at least one officer may have defied that order, and that they hold some serious juice within the union.

Fast forward a month and we now know that the officer in question is SPOA President Steve Leonesio, who is now being investigated for what appears to be a pretty open and shut case of insubordination, and that this is indeed over something as petty as beer sales. Granted, their are other management style issues at play here, but the beer thing is what they’re suing Ulring over. Christian Burkin explains it in great detail in his blog (which you should read), but the thrust of it surrounds a state law dictating who can be issued alcohol permits. Specifically, the California Code of Regulations, Title IV, Article XI (which CB has in the previously linked blog) says that you cannot be issued a permit to sell alcohol within a county that you enforce the law in. Somehow, the SPOA was granted a permit by Alcohol and Beverage Control anyways, and that prompted Ulring to send someone over to tell them to shut it down.

The SPOA contends that their one-use permit was issued to their non-profit organization, and thus doesn’t violate the law, which is an adorable leap in logic. Somebody still has to sign the permit and assume responsibility as a representative of the organization given the permit. It’s a safe bet that since the organization was the police officer’s union, that the signee was a cop and thus ineligible to sign the permit. One would think that would void the permit. Regardless, not only does the SPOA maintain that their permit was perfectly legal, but that Ulring doesn’t have the authority to question the legality of their permit. Which is funny since this whole thing revolves around the police department’s ability to enforce alcohol-related laws.

This whole debacle essentially boils down to a pissing match between two of the most powerful people in the Stockton Police Department, Leonesio and Ulring. The union is fed up with Ulring and his gruff management style and is standing up for itself. If they’re successful, Leonesio looks like a conquering hero who stood up to their asshole boss and his love of synthetic fibers. The only problem is, they picked the worst possible issue to make their stand on. Not only is the law pretty clear, but it specifically states that these temporary permits are subject to the approval of local law enforcement. So even if the union used a proxy and had Leonesio’s brother sign the permit or something, Ulring could still just say no just because he feels like it. (Although if that were to happen, one would assume that no confidence vote would have done better than 50% voter turnout.)

So instead of looking like a hero standing up to “the man”, Leonesio looks like a petulant child throwing a tantrum when somebody told him no then did what he wanted anyways. Only when you do that as an adult, you can’t weasel your way out of it by crying, you just get disciplined by your boss. Which is a shame since I’m sure all of this could have been avoided by opting for a non-alcoholic method of fundraising at a racing event literally noone I’ve talked to had heard of before this news broke. Man, I sure hope they raised a lot of money to make this worth it.

The more things change, the more they stay the same

To say the Stockton branch of the DMV has something of a negative stigma would be an understatement. Nestled in one of the many infamous “pockets” of Stockton that is considered less safe than other areas, it’s a reputation that was barely earned but amplified by the fact that people rarely leave the DMV in a good mood. Seriously though, one broad stabs some dudes while all fucked up on PCP once and people are avoiding that place like the plague. That was four fucking years ago people. I’ve enjoyed the slightly shorter wait times there since all the pussies go to AAA or all the way to Lodi’s DMV, but it’s time to get over it.

They even made a much needed move downtown, symbolically and literally shedding the depressing aesthetics of its American St surroundings (and that God awful tiny parking lot) for fancy new digs on South Lincoln St. Naturally, people spent most of the article about the new office bitching about how it had no affect on wait times. One guy did bring up the startling lack of crackheads that DMV patrons had become accustomed to, but that was quickly countered by some jaded lady who urged him to look a bit further down the street. Granted, you’d be hard-pressed to find an area outside of Brookside without at least one token crackhead pawing through the trash, but the old DMV was kitty-corner to a fucking halfway house. You might see a stray, high homeless guy down the street, but they’re much less frequent than at the old building. This place should be given a chance to carve out a history of their own and not be shackled by unearned negativity.

Wait, what’s that? Some dude lived every angsty punk rock teen’s dream of punching a cop in the face while at the new DMV and the aftermath is on YouTube? Way to show some ass Stockton. I guess somebody had to christen the place.

Bear Creek’s Principal is hilariously absent minded

Holy crap, it’s one of those rare moments when a student-run newspaper breaks something resembling news! Let’s all give some polite golf applause to The Bruin Voice.

With that out of the way, let’s commence criticizing the Record for printing a story where the main source is a high school newspaper. In fact, the only real quotes with any meaning that the Record got was from a janitor who said he doesn’t remember the other alleged key losses by Camp, which is almost immediately followed by the student-reporter saying “No, it totally happened” (with her adviser confirming sources, but not in quote form. Maybe she just nodded knowingly in the background).

Despite conflicting information, the Bruin Voice ran with what their sources were telling them and reported that Principal Camp had lost his keys three times and speculated that it cost the school roughly $25,000 total. There’s just two problems, he only lost his keys twice and the school only had to be re-keyed once. Reporting a figure 3-times larger than it actually ended up being is a major oversight, but I don’t fault the Voice for that.

Writing for a student newspaper sucks because literally noone respects you. Ideally, they should have requested expense reports from the times in question to confirm the avoidable monetary losses they were reporting on. Ideally. Most recordkeepers will take one look at the teenage reporter in front of them and tell them to fuck off because they have better shit to do. This is where the real, actual reporters from the Record should have came in and done a little bit more digging. Instead, they just ran with the assumptions of a bunch of students and their adviser who got to act all proud that her kids did something that made a difference.

Oh, one more thing, it doesn’t really make that much of a difference. Even if we round up to $10,000, the cost of rekeying the entire school is only 0.1% of the $9 million maintenance budget that money comes from. Even if Camp had lost his keys 3 times this fiscal year instead of over the course of the past 5 years, we’re talking about three-tenths of one percent of the yearly custodial (not teacher) budget. Even Mike Fitzgerald probably thinks that’s some wicked nickel and diming. Is it funny that the principal lost his keys a couple times? Yes, but it’s not a story worth printing in a real newspaper before the subject of the story can even call you back. At least confirm the financials first.

Betrayed by his own ass

I almost missed this, but some guy ass-dialed 911 while stealing a bamboo tree over the extended Thanksgiving weekend. Ignoring the obvious question of “Who the fuck steals bamboo?”, this big question is why was 911 so readily available to dial on his phone? I know the advent of touchscreens has made ass-dialing even easier to do, but for the love of Angry Birds how did his ass manage to dial the one number that would incriminate him? I’ve seen single numbers appear in my outgoing calls list, but the odds of hitting 9-1-1 and then dial have to be astronomical. I can’t even get my music player to stop when I want it to yet this guy is unintentionally dialing emergency numbers. That takes talent.

I am curious how often 911 gets ass-dialed. It’s probably more frequent than I think it is. Most of the time a crime probably isn’t being committed in the process. The moral of this story? Always use a passcode screen lock.

At least he shopped Stockton

So a guy allegedly embezzled $28,000 a month, eventually totaling just under $150,000 (he could re-key Bear Creek 15 times!), from his employer and blew it all on strippers. Normally I would applaud this young man for helping put those young ladies through nursing school by being a horny, modern day Robin Hood, but if you’re taking in more money in one month than I make in a year you should be going to Wilson Way for female companionship.

At the very least, if you want to spend your illegally obtained money legally, head on up to Sacramento. Actually, he should have gone to Reno where the two-way touching rules are relaxed. Even if you don’t feel like driving the 3 hours to Nevada, Sacramento’s titty bars are leaps and bounds better than Stockton’s gentleman’s club. No offense to Deja Vu, but the ladies in Sacramento are just better. The dancers are better looking, give better lap dances, and have less stab wound scars. I’m all for supporting local strip clubs, but if you have have a $28,000 monthly budget you don’t need to go to the strip club to have women dry hump you. I hear Taste is good for that.

One last nitpick before I close things out. I know it was intended as a joke, but there’s no way homeslice was spending $20 at a time at the Vu. Maybe he was tipping twenties at the rail, but lap dances cost $30 per song at a minimum there. An Andrew Jackson barely gets you a shot of Patron. Regardless, I’d still like to see how a guy develops a $28,000 a month strip club habit. Do the girls just line up at his table single file with their best sales pitch? Does he makes it rain Pacman Jones style? These questions need to be answered. Sadly, until I become a mega-millionaire, we’ll probably never know.

Susan Eggman and Ebert Holman easily retained their City Council seats as expected while car wash manager Paul Canepa sodomized Arthur Murrillio with a broom stick in the polls for Leslie Martin’s vacant seat (I’m going to miss that joke). More importantly, now begins the wait for word on what Ralph Lee White is going to do for the next year or so as he bides his time until he inevitably runs for Mayor in 2012. Will he continue his crusade against civic racism? Will he randomly convert a room in his house into an ice skating rink? Will he claim that MC Hammer and Jay-Z are going to settle their confusing YouTube feud at his house with Vanilla Ice as moderator (hence the ice rink) despite all parties allegedly involved denying any knowledge of said event? Only time will tell.

Elsewhere in Stockton, Sal Ramirez somehow retained his seat on the Stockton Unified School District Board of Trustees by a narrow margin after a summer of questions surrounding his residency.

Speaking of narrow margins, Congressman Jerry McNerney is barely beating David Harmer for reelection with thousands of absentee and provisional ballots still left to be counted. Which is kind of sad considering how focused Republicans were and taking his seat in the House.

Prop 19 failed for a wide variety of reasons amongst word that supporters were already crafting a “better” ballot measure for the 2012 election. Because why concentrate on this election when we can spend 2 years talking about the next one? Fucking stoners and their short attention spans. Anybody know a good doctor for back pain?

And finally, Measure H passed, which surprised the shit out of me. Based on the sheer volume of signage I figured it was going to fail hard. Thankfully I was wrong. Not because of all the budget balancing and control stuff, but because the indignant reaction from the Fire Union has been so delicious it makes the months of mud slinging almost seem worth it. I hate to find joy in the pain of others (ok, that’s a blatant lie), but it’s kind of hard not to considering what sanctimonious pricks the fire union has been lately. Seriously though, that picture on the front page of the Record last Wednesday with the firefighter is checking election results with his hand on his head and a distraught look on his face was just fucking awesome.

Equally as awesome? The pissy excuses! My personal favorite is their claim that it wasn’t a mandate (Political buzz word! Drink!) from the people of Stockton because it was a close race. Even closer when you eliminate absentee ballots, although I have no idea why that matters. Absentee ballots count the same as regular ones, they just take longer to count. Also, I wouldn’t point out how close the race was if I were the union considering how they outspent the Yes on H campaign by a ridiculous margin (Not to mention how horribly run it was. Seriously, how does Donna Brown still get work in his town?)

Then there’s the internet. God bless the internet. Those familiar with the Record’s comments section and the forums that preceded them know that firefighters have a strong online presence locally. The online temper tantrum has also been predictably entertaining. Just look up any story on Measure H, pre and post-election, and you’ll see at least one typo-laden comment accusing the City of misleading the public (ironic, I know) and then some vague promise of reckoning for Kathy Miller, Donna Brown, and Susan Eggman (who all had various levels of involvement in the Yes on H campaign). Usually this is followed up by someone referencing unprovable labor negotiation specifics, but ignoring the fact that their own insistence on concessions being tied to contract extension was a self-fulfilling dealbreaker. They’ll tell anybody who will listen that the City turned down their concession package, but conveniently omit why it was turned down. They also neglect to mention that the whole reason talks have reached the point where he City had to turn to a Charter-amending ballot measure in the first place was because Fire rejected the City’s reasonable concession package. You can’t use the “but they rejected our fair offer!” line when you did the exact same thing.

This was just one battle in a longer war though. Measure H just gave the City better footing in their fight to lower the out of control public safety budget. Fire is already going doom and gloom by predicting staffing cuts that will drastically lower our level of safety.

Are cuts going to happen? Probably. The City’s positioning it as a last resort, but we reached the last resort about 2 years ago. If Fire had offered needed concessions back then instead of acting like the petulant child they’re still acting like, the number cut likely could have been minimized. Instead, they’re holding on to the old ways a long as humanly possible. The gap between how things are now and the way things were has steadily increased over the years, so when Fire is finally vulnerable to cuts, they’re going to look drastic because it’s been a long time coming.

Don’t believe the safety issue they’re trotting out again. If Measure H’s passage means anything, it’s that the citizens of Stockton don’t value a Class 1 Fire Department as much as Fire want us to. Is it nice? Yes, it’s nice to have a high level fire department, but it has become monetarily inefficient to maintain in these tough economic times. It’s time to be reasonable. Claiming to be more important than keeping libraries and teen centers open is unreasonable. Not only is it unreasonable, it’s incredibly self-centered. That’s why Measure H passed despite an ad campaign so absent you’d think IFG was promoting it. People saw past all the bullshit, now it’s time to prepare for a new round of bullshit. Fuck, I thought the campaign season was over. Hopefully this round ends before the next budget is due, but I’m not holding my breath.

With that rant out of the way, something fun actually happened recently, let’s talk about that instead. For the second year in a row the Downtown Alliance put on a Halloween themed Pub Crawl, and for the second year in a row it was a blast.

Like the previous Crawl, the Mile sat this one out. I’ve never really been a big fan of the Mile bars since they’ve always half-assed Pub Crawl participation, so I wasn’t too heartbroken that we missed out on Valley Brew’s frozen food. It helps that trolley frequency increased slightly without having to make the trek up north. The downtown exclusivity also really helps with the pace of the Crawl. Before, you’d feel pressure to try and hit up as many bars as possible, which inevitably led to waiting 10-20 minutes for a 15 minute trolley ride to the Mile (they always took really awkward routes). Next thing you know, it’s 20 minutes until the costume contest downtown and you’re stuck at the Matinee with 50 other people who got too drunk to remember you need at least 30 minutes of trolley lead time to get to where you want to be on time. Long story short, fuck the Mile (although I heard the party at Ave was excellent).

While the number of venues was somewhat truncated, the amount of attendees wasn’t. Or at least it seemed like it wasn’t as most of the venues were packed when our group got there. With the smaller stable of participating bars, we only hit up about 4 of them. Mostly because Davoli’s and Charlie’s are complete dives (and not in a good way. Not that I have high standards, but others in my group did) and Chitiva’s is out on an island by itself in the Warehouse. The bars we did go to didn’t disappoint.

Misaki’s was the starting point as usual. There’s no better Pub Crawl tradition than that initial sake bomb. It’s the deal they have every Pub Crawl, sake (or a Long Island if you’re not into chugging) and tempura. None of the other bars offer a drop shot drink special so they’ll always earn a drink ticket from me. It’s a hell of a deal, but they always close early. So after a round of sake bombs, we remember that the rest of their deals aren’t really that good and move on.

Time was another motivating factor to mosey along since this Pub Crawl introduced the concept of multiple events in multiple venues to keep the crowd moving (or crawling if you will). At 8, the event was at Bradley’s, which had the added benefit of having a drink ticket specifically for their Zombie drink. The event itself wasn’t so much an organized event as it was an excuse to gather together, drink the surprisingly strong drink (which appeared to be fruit juice from an Igloo cooler combined with liberal amounts of vodka), and get your picture taken for the DSA’s Facebook page. Since the point of Halloween is pretty much to get drunk and have your picture taken in a wacky costume, the turnout was pretty good (as were the drinks).

The next stop both for us and the planned events was personal favorite O’Ryleigh’s. There, as is usual on Saturday nights, lounge singer/comedian Jay Smith (Biatch) was there serenading the bar. As isn’t usual though is the fact that he actually had an audience this time. I’ve seen Jay’s show a couple of times on random Saturday nights at O’Ryleigh’s and he can be hit or miss. It really depends on the crowd. If the crowd’s there to drink and catch up with friends, then Jay can be kind of annoying because he’s really loud and he commands the attention of the whole bar when performing. But give that guy a liquored up crowd he can vibe off of and that motherfucker can own the place. He did that Saturday night. I was skeptical of Jay performing on what was clearly the busiest night I’ve ever seen O’Ryleigh’s have, but he had that crowd in the palm of his hand the second he started singing AC/DC’s Thunderstruck.

But we weren’t there for Jay Smith, we were there for the costume contest and some Halloween shooters. The shooters were forgettable but the costume contest was fairly competitive. I totally would have taken pictures, but I was so drunk by then that I forgot I even had a camera (but not too drunk that I forgot to check into Foursquare). I was also very distracted by what was by far the best appetizer special on the Crawl, O’Ryleigh’s famous Irish Nachos. Unlike other bars that gave you some weak sampling of an appetizer, they passed out a full plate of nachos for your appetizer ticket. O’Ryleigh’s may be relatively new to the Pub Crawls, but they’ve embraced them more than any other bar has.

After a quick trip over to Cali Street Grille (a great diner next to O’Ryleigh’s that’s open late nights on weekends but wasn’t officially on the Crawl), we headed to our final stop, the returning Lexington  Waterfront Plaza Hotel and Feed and Fuel and Beyond for the raffle for a $50 downtown bar tab spread amongst various bars. Which doesn’t sound as awesome when one remembers that $50 buys you 2 and a half drinks at Taste. Regardless, I don’t remember the raffle ever taking place. There’s a very good chance it did, but it was 11pm by then, there’s also a very good chance I won the raffle and will find the gift certificates the next time I put on the coat I wore that night. It was that kind of night. I did manage to stay coherent enough to check out the reopened Delta Bar and Lounge or whatever the Lexington’s bar is called. It wasn’t my first time there since it received its liquor license, that was the latest Tweetup, but this was the first time I really had a budget to drink with and I can say with confidence that it’s pretty much the same bar that somehow lost its license in foreclosure a year ago with one glaring exception.

Before Lexington lost its license, it was the best place to go post-Crawl because it had a Happy Hour that kicked in at midnight as the Crawl specials ended. It was the perfect place to wind up at the end of the night and the discounted room prices made it your best option for not geting a DUI after a long night of drinking. It’s still a good DUI-free option, but I was very disappointed to learn that there would be no Happy Hour after party this time around. The bartender called last call just a little bit before midnight, I was crushed. Then I remembered I had some Jager at home, so I was less crushed, but I still missed the after party.

Halloween is one of my favorite nights in Stockton. I know I’m not the biggest fan of holidays in general because of all the marketing BS that goes on, Halloween in Stockton is just a good time. It’s one of the few times a year everybody lets their freak flag fly, and Stockton has some awesome freaks (and I mean that as a term of endearment, swear). Really though, I missed out not taking a bunch of pictures of all the awesome costumes out there from the Alice in Wonderland guys to the spot on Marty McFly complete with hoverboard(!) and a Doc Brown companion. It was a truly great drunken party in downtown Stockton. And to think, my roommate thought she had to drive all the way to San Francisco to get that.