Quick Links for Dec. 1st

If you haven’t figured out we’re going to take almost every holiday off by now, well, now you know. We weren’t really in any condition to post this weekend anyways. I’m having computer problems again, Duke was in some sort of turkey/alcohol induced coma (seriously, he spent about 75% of this weekend sleeping), and Bris…we’ll Bris started drinking at 9 am on Thanksgiving eve if that gives you any idea as to what he was up to this weekend. At least he didn’t sleep with his ex this time. On with the Quick Links!

Remember that seemingly-endless rambling post about Fitzy’s attempt at public image repair from last week? Guess who’s still at it? And he brought some of his downtown friends with him. Yup, Paragary’s has enlisted Fitzy to enlist us (us meaning Stockton as a whole, not us personally) to name the roof of the old Hotel Stockton. (Our suggestion? “Roof of the old Hotel Stockton”. It’s catchy and imaginative.)

Ignoring the fact that this still wouldn’t technically qualify as a free lunch since our tax dollars helped subsidize Paragary’s and helped renovate the actual building (something noted in the fucking column, bang up job Fitzy/whoever wrote that headline), this idea should go over as well as the last time Stockton had a naming contest when some imaginative son of a bitch named the Thunder’s roommate the Lightening. Basically everybody will think it’s rigged and some jackass will win with the most obvious name ever (hence our “Roof of the old Hotel Stockton” idea).

After getting the contest basics out of the way, Paragary’s goes into full damage control mode after a couple of local candidates successfully used the restaurant as a symbol of the city’s inept spending. Of course Fitzy doesn’t ask the guy about the infamous $10 burger, instead Randy Paragary talks about his pastas and salads which allegedly have prices on par with other establishments around the city. Plus there’s the blatant overture for our approval with the addition of happy hour pricing from 3-6, which is really a weak fucking happy hour. 3-6? We have jobs fuckass. I don’t even get home until 5, and your mea culpa to the “working stiff” is a happy hour that ends an hour after a majority of the workforce gets off? Take a page out of BWDW Fats’ book and extend happy hour until 8 and we’ll talk. That or try working out a deal with your neighbors so the cops aren’t trying to shut down parties up there at midnight.

While we’re on the subject of downtown, we’re not sure which is sadder. The fact that we apparently need a 12-story courthouse (not that we’re questioning the need for a new courthouse, but that much? Really?), or the fact that that would make it the tallest building in Stockton.
Lodi residents are fighting to take back the streets from gangs. Gangs that account for less than 1% of police calls. I wish I was making that statistic up. That percentage of a percentage is apparently enough to cause dozens (that’s right, dozens) of Lodi residents to have two town-hall style meetings to address the subject. That’s right, they had two whole meetings and the best they could come up with was a neighborhood watch program. The first meeting was apparently to discuss what refreshments to bring to the second meeting. Lodi PD presumably spent that time planning their extensive Thanksgiving Eve prevention program because, like us, they know Lodi’s real problem is bars going a smidge over capacity on heavy drinking nights. God forbid young people enjoy the downtown district they spent years revitalizing.

Sweet, we’re finally getting some much needed aid for all these foreclosed homes. The city is working feverishly to find a way to pump all $9 mil downtown. You WILL live there dammit. Whether you like it or not.

And finally, we have to link to this story for a couple of reasons. For one, Littlejohn is perhaps the best last name of all time, and also because he was apparently chasing the slowest criminals of all time. If I have the timeline correctly, Littlejohn walked up to his car and realized it had been broken into, went and got a description of the getaway car from mall security, then saw the car on Pacific and decided to chase them, only to end up being the one chased. Now I know mall parking lots can be pretty hard to navigate, but the robbers only made it to Pacific fucking Avenue? And if the mall cops saw the getaway car, shouldn’t they have at least gotten the license plate number Littlejohn was allegedly after? Or maybe chased them down while they made the long trek from the parking lot to Pacific Ave? And how the fuck do you end up behind someone you’re chasing? Needless to say, there’s a lot of unanswered questions, and we probably haven’t heard the whole story.

Oh, and even we’re not sure how the Niners beat the Bills. But few things are more satisfying than watching your team kill another team’s playoff chances. Especially when your own team’s playoff chances ended during the first month of the season.

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~ by Slick Diaz on December 1, 2008.

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