Pub Crawl recap: Raise your hand if you want a Jagerbomb!

As Slick mentioned on Monday we did the Pub Crawl last weekend with a few friends. I’ll try and not do a complete play-by-play of the nights events in this recap.

First of all, fuck it was cold. I know it’s California so cold for us is shorts weather for most of the country but I’m pretty sure I just regained the feeling in my big toe. So fuck you, it was cold.

Of course I only noticed it was so cold because the trollies were horrifyingly inconsistent. One was allegedly coming by every 15 mins. I saw one trolly come by 3 minutes after the other and then another didn’t show up for another 45 mins. On top of that they weren’t even going the correct route the whole time. One of our friends actually had to hijack a trolly and tell them they were going to the Warehouse because none of the trollies were stopping there. We actually hoofed it from the Warehouse to the movie theater because we didn’t trust the trolley to come get us. And that was before one of the trollies broke down.

Slick already ran down the Paragary’s story, it was clear to us that Paragary’s was only on the Pub Crawl to say they’re trying when they clearly aren’t. I made it about 3 steps in the place before the bartender shooed us off to the side where their poor excuse for a Crawler mini-bar served what was by far the worst drink special of the night.

Speaking of drink specials, I kept my map from that night. Care to run down the list with me while I make snarky comments about each one? No? Well I’m doing it anyways.

Bradley’s: Irish Coffee, Peppermint Patties, and other assorted shot specials.
Their Irish coffee was a bit too Irishy, but past that the had decent specials. Although they were kind of overshadowed by…

Beach Hut Deli: $1 pint of any beer
The Beach Hut was the only bar that really truly embraced the Pub Crawl. They had a pretty good accoustic band playing in a corner and expanded their usual $1 PBR deal to their entire selection. Add in the fact that they also served some pretty bad ass nachos and the Beach Hut was the winner of the Pub Crawl. Which is the exact opposite of…

Paragary’s: Peppermint Patties and “$3 drink specials”
We’ve covered these guys already. And there was no $3 drink special. Fuck Paragary’s with a cactus dick. Which is the actual note I wrote down to make sure I remembered how much that place blew. Fucking Sacramento bars.

Misaki Sushi Bar: Sake bombs
Yes, they were delicious, but it was also the only downtown venue that was packed. They wouldn’t serve us appetizers since we didn’t have a table so we took off.

Red Brick Pizza: $2 bottled beer
Yeah, I’m still wondering what they were doing on the Pub Crawl myself. At least they tried harder than Paragary’s.

Chitiva’s: Margaritas
Chitiva’s had a lot of drink specials but none of them were particularly overwhelming. Plus their appetizer deal was microwaved taquitos. I heard the margaritas were decent but we spent more time at…

The Waterfront Grill (formerly the Boiler Room): $3 well drinks
While that’s an awesome drink special (especially when you just use the “free drink” voucher for a $6 drink), I remember the Waterfront more for the hilarious quote of the night. When ordering Jagerbombs more people kept saying “Ooh! Me too!” after we had already put the order in. Finally I had to take charge and say “Alright, who wants a Jagerbomb? Raise your hand. (8 hands go up) I want that many.” Yes, I’m awesome. That quote narrowly edged out another one directed at a beanied Bris Isaak, “With that beanie on you look like a fat Ian Hill. With a slightly patchier beard of course.” “Ouch, that’s messed up man.” And it was, I apologize.

Hippo Bar and Stockton Arena
We skipped these places because, well, fuck them. That’s why. Nobody was drinking downtown anyways. Everybody was up on the Miracle Mile.

Centrale: $4 Margaritas
They had drink specials? I think I used my voucher for the free drinks here too. This place is notable just because I’d never heard of them until the pub crawl and because I think it’s the place where I high fived an entire table because I was wasted.

Matinee: Jungle Juice
Fuck the Matinee. I usually love the place but they re-carded fucking everybody at the door like dicks. They were the only bar to do so. And on top of that their Jungle Juice tasted like fucking Kool-Aid. I drank the bucket glass like a shot and didn’t feel any aftereffects. That’s some weak fucking Jungle Juice. Gives a whole new meaning to the term Pussy Punch.

We skipped Adler Market and Moulin Rouge and ended the night at…

Valley Brew: Rum Punch
The rum punch was passable, but we really went their for the free deep fried mushrooms. I think we got like 50 plates. Unfortunately Valley Brew is fucking lame and closes at midnight on a Saturday. Bars shouldn’t close before 2 on a fucking weekend. End of story.

That was probably the weakest part of the Pub Crawl (aside from Paragary’s of course). The trollies ended at midnight so you risked getting stuck downtown at night if you didn’t catch the trolly on time. And it’s kind of hard to keep track of the time when you’re drunk and in a bar that has no clocks. But hey, overall it was a fun, drunken night. Plus is gave us an actual reason to hate Paragary’s. Before we just thought they were douchebags. Now we know they are.


~ by El Duke on December 12, 2008.

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