Quick Links for Feb. 2nd (Plus, earliest Rube of the Month award ever!)

Now that we got the typos out of the way, let’s see if we can’t find ourselves some Quick Links. Today’s edition even comes with an added treat!

It’s all about that money, money. Yeah, yeah!

Two things: One, when did Cryme Tyme visit Stockton? I thought the WWE was skipping Stockton on their upcoming NoCal swing (which, you know, makes sense since they were one of the few Arena events that actually drew a crowd. You stay classy IFG).

And two, isn’t there a police station on Manchester? Sure, it’s just UOP public safety, but their jurisdiction extend a mile around the campus. I guess it just proves how respected they are. People aren’t afraid to blatantly car jack someone at a relatively early nighttime hour right down the street. Now that’s a reason for Pacific students to feel underprotected. But hey, shit that goes down in San Mateo works too.

We’re pretty sure we should be naming all the new features the Record’s been rolling out

If there’s one thing we like about the Record’s redesign, is that it resulted in daily columns. Record Managing Editor and January’s Rube of the Month Don Blount’s Monday column is quickly becoming one of our favorites for being, as far as we can tell, a stream of consciousness column. I’m almost positive he just writes down what he’s thinking when he’s sitting in front of the computer for “column time”.During column time he’s apparently often thinking about shit he saw. Like the time he went on a hike with his kids. Or like a few weeks ago when he thought Stockton was represented by stuff he saw. Of course sometimes he just makes observations. Like that one time he remembered he’s black (just like President Obama!). Then there’s today where he recounts the harrowing story of breaking up an impromptu dog fighting ring scaring off a few strays with a golf club.

His columns are like observational humor minus the humor part. If you want humor, his blog comes highly recommended. Which Parade Magazine will show up next!? Yes, we’re almost positive Don Blount is the only black guy who reads Parade. But anyways, back to the point.

Wait, what was the point again? Oh yeah, from here on out we’re calling Don Blount’s Monday mind droppings “Shit Don Blount Saw”. We look forward to next week’s edition where he presumably tells us about the time he gave a homeless veteran change.

Oh shit, how did nobody tell us about this?

If you ever needed confirmation that we do little to no work on this site during the weekends, the fact that we just now found out about this should be proof enough. This happened Friday? Really? Damn, we were paying attention at a fairly late hour on Friday too. Note to self/selves: don’t start drinking immediately after clocking out. Wait like 10 mins.

Apparently people were actually riveted by our search for the Real Stocktonian of the Year (although not riveted enough to send us e-mail suggestions). And to those people, we apologize for taking so long. We were feverishly searching for the story on a subject that just screamed “Stockton” and, as numerous lists will tell you, nothing shouts “Stockton” quite as loudly as an impending foreclosure.

Note how we’re “The local blog” (emphasis ours), we kind of like that. Save Our Stockton can Suck Our Nuts. They’re not even really a blog anyways. Oh, and thanks to David Siders for the link (twice in one paragraph even!). We apologize for assuming you were in your 40s based on the picture recordnet.com has of you. They really need to take new ones, if for no other reason than to get a shot of Ian Hill’s fauxhawk.

And finally…

February’s Rubes of the Month!

Last week we avoided getting lured in by Fitzy’s blatant bait job regarding Stockton’s bankruptcy options. Others weren’t so lucky. And we’re making those others the Rubes of the Month! Even worse, these rubes all got taken in by the stupidest thing blamed for Stockton’s budgetary woes. Apparently working for the city government makes you rich and elitist! (Yes, Fitzy’s still pretending to fight elitism. Don’t get us started on that.)

Instead of honing in on the fact that the city’s revenue stream is largely contingent on a housing market that’s as volatile as all of my exgirlfriends and their moms while PMSing combined, these rubes decided the problem is we’re paying our public servants too much. Because everything would be A-OK if Tom Morris had shitty pension and had to stick around for a while.

Fuck, quit trying to lure us in Fitzy! We’re smarter than that! Ok, we gotta get out of here. Anybody who thinks we should declare bankruptcy so we can eliminiate incentives for people to come and work for the city and stay is a fucking rube. Other people earn more money than you. Fucking deal with it.

Why not try and get a return on all those investments we’ve been throwing taxpayer money at? Book anybody and everybody in the Arena and Bob Hope. Tell Paragary’s to make food that doesn’t taste like it they baked it in an Afghani man’s scrotum so more people will eat there an…fuck! Get away from me shitty Fitzy column that’s just begging to be torn apart! Back! Back I say!


~ by Slick Diaz on February 2, 2009.

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