Quick Links for May 19th

Sorry if we seem a bit distracted today. It’s a somewhat extremely important day. It’s the day some old Jew opens a bunch of envelopes containing the results of a marathon ping-pong ball selection session. Yup, it’s NBA Draft Lottery day and our beloved Kings have the best chance (25%) of getting the first pick. Which means we’re probably getting the 4th pick. Hell, I wouldn’t be shocked if we somehow got the 5th pick. So to say our minds are elsewhere would be an understatement. Text messages between all of us were exchanged before 7:30, which is incredibly early for all of us.

What does all of this mean for you? Well, if the Kings don’t get a top 2 pick and you see a depressed Kings fan sulking in his Kings jersey, Kings, hat, and purple shoes, don’t make fun of them. There’s a very good chance they will stab you in the neck with the nearest sharp object. So, you know, Raider game rules.

But until then Quick Links!

Oh yeah, something else is going on today

It’s Special Election day! Which means we get to recall Governor Schwa…wait, what? It’s just a bunch of budgetary ballot measures? Fuck that. I’m not voting and getting my hopes up for the future of my favorite sports team. That’s just too much in one day. And the voting would get in the way of my pre-draft lottery drinking.

But for you non-alcoholics, check out that link from the Tahoe paper about the ballot measures. And then I’ll laugh at you tomorrow for wasting your time voting for measures that have no chance of passing because they’re not a charismatic black man. You know, assuming I’m not already in prison for stabbing a Laker fan after we get the 4th pick.

“Now, what do you mean when you say ‘We’d have to lay off more city workers’?”

We understand the budget situation can get a bit contentious, but does Dale Fritchen really need to ask what the backup plan is if we don’t get the aid that Gordon Palmer’s proposed budget is dependant on? David Siders said it himself, Plan B is no secret. It’s fucking layoffs. But when you’re in negotiation with labor unions, like Palmer is with the city’s firefighters union (and presumably the SPOA if they weren’t such dumbasses), you try and avoid saying the word “layoffs” at all costs. Kind of like how if you’re trying to sell some bonds you don’t even think the word “bankruptcy”, let alone say it. If anybody should have learned that lesson it’s Dale freaking Fritchen. Political grandstanding to gain favor with city employees is fine and all, only those city employees probably won’t be employed the next (and first) time Fritchen’s up for reelection. So it really just makes him look like even more of a dumbass. Which I didn’t know was possible.

And now for a dose of sacrelige

We’re not too big on furthering David Stern’s God complex by actually praying to him, but we could probably use all the help we could get. Sure, we could pray to that Jesus guy. But he never comes through for me (although I still hold out hope that one day one of my roommates will magically transform into Katie Morgan). Plus, David Stern has a much better track record with influencing draft lottery results.

(Plays “Taps” on kazoo)

It’s a sad day folks. It’s the last day for Craigslist’s Erotic Sevices ads before they switch over to the totally prostituteless “Adult Services” section for good (by the way, did I see the Royal Day Spa in there?). Many drunken nights have been spent trolling the Erotic section of Stockton’s Craigslist after one of us sombody shouts “Fuck it! Let’s get a whore!” Only to quickly realize we’re all you’re pussies and don’t feel like catching HPV. Plus who can find 100 roses on such short notice?

So we bid you adieu Erotic Services, trying to decipher the sluts from the hookers (You’re a hooker!) on the Casual Encounters page will never be the same again. And neither will my cock after that happy ending. I wonder if there’s a novena for genital warts.

Ok, that’s it from us today. El Duke promised me he’d be around tomorrow with a lottery result reaction which should be epic either way. Our big announcement is coming soon, we’re just working out a few more kinks and we’ll be good.

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~ by Slick Diaz on May 19, 2009.

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