An open letter to the Miracle Mile

Dear Miracle Mile,

First of all, sorry for your loss. Losing See’s Candies must have been hard on you. I’d suggest medicating yourself with excessive amounts of chocolate but, well, you know.

That being said, fuck you in the goat ass with a red hot fire poker. Who the fuck thought it was a good idea to close off half the side streets for repaving at the same fucking time!? Driving the Mile is already about as enjoyable as a Lori Gilbert column, taking away the escape streets is like taking her column and printing it on the front page every day of the week. I mean Jesus, was my drive down Pacific Ave not slow enough for you? Can’t you just be happy with the old people who patronize the Mile driving 3 miles per hour and stopping at the light if they even get a premonition that it might soon turn yellow? Were you not pleased with the roughly 246 crosswalks that fucking stretch of road has slowing my commute down? You just had to seal off all my escape routes so I’m stuck behind Gladys for a half hour while she waits for there to be absolutely zero cars in sight (including mine) before she makes that left turn?

There’s no point, just fuck the Miracle Mile. I hope Maxim’s moves there so they can complain about all the darkies that aren’t actually committing crimes.

Sincerely,

Reclaiming the Title

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~ by El Duke on May 20, 2009.

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