An open letter to Burger King

Dear Burger King on the corner of March and Pershing,

No. I would not, in fact, like to pull around to the side to wait for my meal. I only ordered 2 fucking burgers, from the value menu no less, it shouldn’t take that long. Plus, it’s not like there’s anybody behind me who I’m preventing from receiving food. And even if there were, you’d probably have them pull off to the side too anyway.

What’s taking so long anyways? All I did was order a burger that has onion rings on it. If it’s really that hard to make, why is it only a buck fifty? Why are you guys always out of fucking onion rings? Deep-fryers don’t take that long, trust me, I own one. Onion rings take like 3 minutes, why have been out here for almost 10?

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve worked in the food industry before. I understand that sometimes you get slammed and shit takes time. I’ve eaten at your specific Burger King for years, it’s right next to my favorite bar, and know you guys are notoriously slow during your busy periods. But it’s 3 o’clock in the motherfucking afternoon. You’re not slammed, you’re just slow. You’re always slow. Which makes sense considering it’s called fast food. You’re just pushing me to the side so the little drive-thru timer sensor thingy thinks you’re the fastest Burger King in town when really you’re notoriously the slowest. If you worked as hard behind the counter as you do trying to cover up your shortcomings, I wouldn’t be chilling off to the side with 3 other idling cars. So cut that shit out.

You guys are gonna have hell to pay when the Burger King finds out about this.


Reclaiming the Title


~ by El Duke on July 22, 2009.

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