Quick Links for August 31st

Well, it’s the end of August. Hopefully that means the end of countless summer nights lying wide awake while basting in my own sweat praying the temperature drops below 90 so I can get some sleep. Plus, football. Thank God for football. But until then, Quick Links!

Don Blount’s summer vacation sets Stockton tourism effort back 20 years

It’s been a while since we’ve checked in with ol’ D.W. Blount and the shit he’s seen, probably because he’s been on vacation. So it’s only natural now that he’s back to write a column that resembles most kids’ first homework assignment back from school. Yes, we get shit Don Blount saw on his summer vacation.

Where did he go on vacation you might ask? Well, nowhere really. He hesitates to call it a “stay-cation” because he spent a single night out of town. We hesitate to call it a “stay-cation” because he only spent one of the actual days doing stuff in Stockton (3 if you count “stopping to grab something to eat” as something vacationers do in Stockton).

Yes, as city officials hypocritically beg us to do as much business as we can in Stockton, the managing editor of the paper advances the notion that the only real selling point of Stockton is that it’s close to a bunch of other places.

So, how riveting was D.W.’s vacation? Well, on the first day he picked up his son and went and got something to eat. That’s it. Day two he waits for his daughter to finish up some shit at UOP and then books on over to Big Trees. Which, if you don’t know, is a bunch of really big trees and that’s about it. It’s like Mike Fitzgerald’s wet dream. The rest of Arnold is pretty much a desolate wasteland. Good burgers on the way back though.

Day three? Oh shit, time for some drinking! Yes, the most detailed day is about wine tasting in Lodi. Which I’m sure is great news for the Lodi Visitors Bureau, probably notsomuch for Stockton’s. But don’t worry, we’re sure D.W. will make up for that by doing something the next day that embodies what Stockton is all about.

Day four, golfing. (Sigh) Well, at least he didn’t go to the symphony or opera.

Day five? A’s-Yankees game. Nothing like America’s pasttime to bring a father and son together. So, since you’re recounting your vacation for all to see like my Grandma at family gatherings, how was the game? Cold? Hmm, interesting. Anything else? No? Wow, you are a fantastic storyteller Mr. Blount.

We’re amazed at the whirlwind last day of his vacation though. I mean, he went home. Yes, that’s the extent of his day. He drove home. Actually, to be more accurate, he thought about driving home. Depressingly he somehow finds a way to be more descriptive about thinking about going home than he was about the baseball game he attended. And then he ends with this, even though we pointed out only one of his days (besides eating) was spent mostly in Stockton.

I also think of how content I was to just hang around Stockton during my time off.

Yeah, let us know how that went when you actually start to hang around Stockton.

Tweets! In! Space!

We’ve probably gone on record in thinking that most Tweets are incredibly inane. Ours is around solely for self-promotion and live blogging shit. The most often-made joke about Twitter is that we can now finally know when celebrities go to the bathroom. Which are Tweets I have seen and it’s really not all that exciting. So when a local celebrity shits in space? Yeah, still not interesting.

By all means, cover the launch and stuff. We get it. But reproducing his tweets in print? I’m sorry Record, but he cut you out of the reporting circle. If we wanted to read about him in space we’d ask him about it ourselves on Twitter. Shit, a treadmill on that shuttle is a bigger celebrity than Jose Hernandez. Good job making it to space and all, but yeah, might be time to scale back the coverage a bit.

Am I missing something here?

This story confused me and I’m looking for some help. How the hell is impersonating a cop a fucking misdemeanor? He impersonated a cop! Throw his ass in jail. You know cops have a hard on for guys like this kid. Why do you think the off-duty cop led him on all the way down Pacific? Who did this kid blow to only get a ticket? And can he get me out of a few tickets?

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~ by Slick Diaz on August 31, 2009.

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