Fitzy Fitzifies himself

Sometimes these posts just write themselves. Today is one of those days. But the story starts yesterday, so let’s look back real quick.

Because I have no life, I was keeping an eye on David Siders’ weekly live blog of the City Council meeting (note: we’d love tags on the blogs whenever you can get around to them Recordnet). They’ve become fairly repetitive since the whole Johnny Ford thing went down. I’m pretty sure David Siders just cuts and pastes the shit coming out of Ralph Lee White’s mouth from week to week. But yesterday, something actually happened!

Ok, well, nothing really happened. Except for awesome contradictory goodness. The biggest news coming out of the meeting is that the Council is going to consider creating a special position for Johnny Ford so he can continue to collect a paycheck while he waits for the inaccurate shitstorm that he created gets sorted out.

Of course, if he was really worried about getting paid, he should be out trying to get other jobs. Now he’s just interested in bilking the city out of as much cash as possible for this perceived slight against his career. Or as he calls it, “justice”.

The City Council being the highly suggestible bunch that they are, approved putting considering temporarily rehiring Ford on administrative leave for the length of the investigation on the agenda for the next meeting at the end of the month (follow all that?). Thus showing that if you get fired from a local government position, if you have enough friends to fill up the smallish Council chambers you too can continue to get paid for doing nothing. Luckily we have plenty of spare cash to waste on shit like this.

But wait! There’s more! Remember when I said the City Council was highly suggestible? Well, they put that malleability to use just 15 minutes earlier when Ralph Lee White sidled up to the podium for his weekly address to say “Hey, did you know that thing one of you guys did is going to cost the city money?” Naturally, Elbert Holman Jr, the man responsible for this wasted money, was surprised.

White was addressing a provision in the city charter (a document that you’d hope a private citizen wouldn’t be schooling the City fucking Council on) that states if a city employee needs defense from possible litigation brought on by city stuff and requests independent representation, the city is required to provide that to them at the city’s cost. Last time I checked, “cost” means we spent mone….holy shit we spent money! We can’t do that! All the spare scratch we have is specifically earmarked for city employees who want to challenge the semantics of their termination while posturing for a job they were never going to fucking get!

Oh wait, what’s that? We haven’t actually spent it yet? Oh yeah, we haven’t spent it yet, we just could spend it if those subpoenaed decide they need to crouch down in a defensive legal stance.

So because Elbert Holman sends out subpoenas like they’re Hannah Montana birthday party invites, the city is now possibly on the hook for an undisclosed sum of money to represent the subpoenaed should they decide to seek outside representation. And City Attorney Ren Nosky didn’t even tell the council about it! Someone should ask Nosky about why he didn’t disclose this expenditure. Because if there’s one thing this council is all about, it’s being totally open about what’s going on with this ad hoc committee.

Fortunately, someone did as Nosky about it. His response?

Nosky said the longstanding practice has been that outside lawyers not be hired only if the cost exceeds the council limit, about $30,000.

In other words, because he doesn’t fucking have to. Not to mention, does the City Council need to be consulted every time shit goes down? I mean, a private citizen just schooled them on the city fucking charter! But I digress, Nosky apparently relented and will work on asking the City Council about spending it’s money. Even when it’s less than 1/100th of the recent budget cuts.

Wait a minute, contradiction, relatively small amounts of cash (in relation to the whole pie at least) that hasn’t even technically been spent yet being held under a microscope because it benefits city employees? By God, I believe it’s time to…

Get Fitzified!!!!

Which is something I was totally set to do. I even wrote the intro last night. Sadly, someone beat me to it. And his name is Mike Fitzgerald. Like I said, sometimes the posts just write themselves.

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~ by Slick Diaz on September 16, 2009.

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