Quick Links for Dec. 1st

Oh hey, I’m back. Sorry for the impromptu break. I’d give some excuse as to why, but if you’ve been reading for any stretch of time over the 2 and a half years this site’s been around then you’re probably used to my frequent infrequency. Now that the real world is demanding less of my attention, Quick Links? Yeah, Quick Links

The more things change, the more they stay the same

To say the Stockton branch of the DMV has something of a negative stigma would be an understatement. Nestled in one of the many infamous “pockets” of Stockton that is considered less safe than other areas, it’s a reputation that was barely earned but amplified by the fact that people rarely leave the DMV in a good mood. Seriously though, one broad stabs some dudes while all fucked up on PCP once and people are avoiding that place like the plague. That was four fucking years ago people. I’ve enjoyed the slightly shorter wait times there since all the pussies go to AAA or all the way to Lodi’s DMV, but it’s time to get over it.

They even made a much needed move downtown, symbolically and literally shedding the depressing aesthetics of its American St surroundings (and that God awful tiny parking lot) for fancy new digs on South Lincoln St. Naturally, people spent most of the article about the new office bitching about how it had no affect on wait times. One guy did bring up the startling lack of crackheads that DMV patrons had become accustomed to, but that was quickly countered by some jaded lady who urged him to look a bit further down the street. Granted, you’d be hard-pressed to find an area outside of Brookside without at least one token crackhead pawing through the trash, but the old DMV was kitty-corner to a fucking halfway house. You might see a stray, high homeless guy down the street, but they’re much less frequent than at the old building. This place should be given a chance to carve out a history of their own and not be shackled by unearned negativity.

Wait, what’s that? Some dude lived every angsty punk rock teen’s dream of punching a cop in the face while at the new DMV and the aftermath is on YouTube? Way to show some ass Stockton. I guess somebody had to christen the place.

Bear Creek’s Principal is hilariously absent minded

Holy crap, it’s one of those rare moments when a student-run newspaper breaks something resembling news! Let’s all give some polite golf applause to The Bruin Voice.

With that out of the way, let’s commence criticizing the Record for printing a story where the main source is a high school newspaper. In fact, the only real quotes with any meaning that the Record got was from a janitor who said he doesn’t remember the other alleged key losses by Camp, which is almost immediately followed by the student-reporter saying “No, it totally happened” (with her adviser confirming sources, but not in quote form. Maybe she just nodded knowingly in the background).

Despite conflicting information, the Bruin Voice ran with what their sources were telling them and reported that Principal Camp had lost his keys three times and speculated that it cost the school roughly $25,000 total. There’s just two problems, he only lost his keys twice and the school only had to be re-keyed once. Reporting a figure 3-times larger than it actually ended up being is a major oversight, but I don’t fault the Voice for that.

Writing for a student newspaper sucks because literally noone respects you. Ideally, they should have requested expense reports from the times in question to confirm the avoidable monetary losses they were reporting on. Ideally. Most recordkeepers will take one look at the teenage reporter in front of them and tell them to fuck off because they have better shit to do. This is where the real, actual reporters from the Record should have came in and done a little bit more digging. Instead, they just ran with the assumptions of a bunch of students and their adviser who got to act all proud that her kids did something that made a difference.

Oh, one more thing, it doesn’t really make that much of a difference. Even if we round up to $10,000, the cost of rekeying the entire school is only 0.1% of the $9 million maintenance budget that money comes from. Even if Camp had lost his keys 3 times this fiscal year instead of over the course of the past 5 years, we’re talking about three-tenths of one percent of the yearly custodial (not teacher) budget. Even Mike Fitzgerald probably thinks that’s some wicked nickel and diming. Is it funny that the principal lost his keys a couple times? Yes, but it’s not a story worth printing in a real newspaper before the subject of the story can even call you back. At least confirm the financials first.

Betrayed by his own ass

I almost missed this, but some guy ass-dialed 911 while stealing a bamboo tree over the extended Thanksgiving weekend. Ignoring the obvious question of “Who the fuck steals bamboo?”, this big question is why was 911 so readily available to dial on his phone? I know the advent of touchscreens has made ass-dialing even easier to do, but for the love of Angry Birds how did his ass manage to dial the one number that would incriminate him? I’ve seen single numbers appear in my outgoing calls list, but the odds of hitting 9-1-1 and then dial have to be astronomical. I can’t even get my music player to stop when I want it to yet this guy is unintentionally dialing emergency numbers. That takes talent.

I am curious how often 911 gets ass-dialed. It’s probably more frequent than I think it is. Most of the time a crime probably isn’t being committed in the process. The moral of this story? Always use a passcode screen lock.

At least he shopped Stockton

So a guy allegedly embezzled $28,000 a month, eventually totaling just under $150,000 (he could re-key Bear Creek 15 times!), from his employer and blew it all on strippers. Normally I would applaud this young man for helping put those young ladies through nursing school by being a horny, modern day Robin Hood, but if you’re taking in more money in one month than I make in a year you should be going to Wilson Way for female companionship.

At the very least, if you want to spend your illegally obtained money legally, head on up to Sacramento. Actually, he should have gone to Reno where the two-way touching rules are relaxed. Even if you don’t feel like driving the 3 hours to Nevada, Sacramento’s titty bars are leaps and bounds better than Stockton’s gentleman’s club. No offense to Deja Vu, but the ladies in Sacramento are just better. The dancers are better looking, give better lap dances, and have less stab wound scars. I’m all for supporting local strip clubs, but if you have have a $28,000 monthly budget you don’t need to go to the strip club to have women dry hump you. I hear Taste is good for that.

One last nitpick before I close things out. I know it was intended as a joke, but there’s no way homeslice was spending $20 at a time at the Vu. Maybe he was tipping twenties at the rail, but lap dances cost $30 per song at a minimum there. An Andrew Jackson barely gets you a shot of Patron. Regardless, I’d still like to see how a guy develops a $28,000 a month strip club habit. Do the girls just line up at his table single file with their best sales pitch? Does he makes it rain Pacman Jones style? These questions need to be answered. Sadly, until I become a mega-millionaire, we’ll probably never know.

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~ by Slick Diaz on December 1, 2010.

One Response to “Quick Links for Dec. 1st”

  1. supporting your local economy doesn’t apply to strippers. No one wants to see a side of track marks, stab wounds with their lap dances

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